When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
