Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Randomize
