she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
