It's Friday. Sex?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
