i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
