if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
