note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She's better-looking with the mask on.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
