Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
we have officially lost it.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
