If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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