it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
