i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
