I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize