Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize