took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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