He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
