fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
