Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
