God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
