Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
