i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
