why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
