dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
