We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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