I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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