I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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