i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
