is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
