I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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