I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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