So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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