my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
