I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
