I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
