I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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