Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
