Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize