Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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