First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize