I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
