I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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