I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
