There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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