You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
