youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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