I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
