my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize