So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
