i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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