why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize