u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
