you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Alive.
So much puke
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
