Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize