i already hear my dad disowning me
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
