Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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