Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
