My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
