I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
