My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
