cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
