so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
