Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Randomize
