just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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