I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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