is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
