This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
His nipple licking is glorious
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