It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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