Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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